10 Reasons the Narcissist is Not Happier With the New Supply

Is the narcissist happier with the new supply?

Absof*ckinglutely Not!! 

For many survivors, the need behind this question isn't closure, it's reassurance. I promise to write many posts on this subject because not only does it help to fully understand the answer to this question, it will validate what you already know deep down inside so you can focus on your healing.

Sure the relationship looks good now. The narcissist is getting the supply they need which in a way does make them happy. But this happiness is only surface level. This fresh new source of supply is giving them that dopamine hit and they are currently in the love-bombing phase. But you remember being there. You remember thinking that this perfect person would never hurt you. But you have seen exactly who the narcissist is and the new supply just hasn’t yet.

The relationship with the new supply is destined to fail. Even if they stay together - they are still with a narcissist, which makes it a toxic relationship. I’m sure you are asking, “how can I be sure?” I want you to look at this from all different angles, all which lead to the same answer…

1. If there was overlap with the new supply (which most likely there was), their relationship is already on an unstable foundation. If they could cheat on you, why wouldn’t they cheat on the new supply? They have already proven that a commitment means nothing to them. That as soon as someone stops serving them, they are all too eager to move onto the next dopamine hit. And what if the new supply knew about you and played the part in breaking up a relationship or marriage? A person who is capable of being a part of that is a total downgrade. They took on that role because they threw themselves at the narcissist usually in a pathetic manner, believing that they belong with them and did not care how they played a part in destroying someone else. What does that say about the quality of the new supply? 

2. Let’s look at the reality of a relationship that started with infidelity or cheating. There is a consistent agreement among therapist and relationship experts in which most believe that a relationship that starts with such a weak foundation will face significant trust issues and are less likely to become a long-term stable relationship or marriage. Only 5% to 7% of affair relationships lead to marriage and of those, approximately 75% end in divorce within 5 years. If you do the math, that means only 25% of the initial 7% last, meaning that less than 2% turn into long-lasting marriages. And those numbers do not even account for narcissism. Even if they stay together longer, this relationship is still f*cked! Let’s add a cherry on top. A cheater is 3 times more likely to cheat again. So if you throw in a narcissistic personality that thrives on lies and manipulations, what percentage of a healthy relationship is actually left? The odds are NOT in their favor!

3. Happy people do not abuse other people. The narcissist is not a happy person. Remember, they are hiding behind a mask. If they were truly happy they wouldn’t have the need to destroy you. Chances are, even though they are with the new supply, they are still abusing you. 

4. As you have probably already learned, narcissists do not truly love people. Someone who ever really loved you would not set out to destroy the person that they claimed to have ever loved. If you truly loved someone, you would always do your best to minimize the pain you might be causing them. The narcissist does not value love, they value supply. 

5. The faster they move on to the new supply, the less stable the relationship. Narcissists move quickly because they need to secure supply. They do this because being alone is one of their biggest fears and there is something they need from them. There is also a rush to secure this supply before they start seeing behind the mask. The quicker they can sell a love story, the harder it will be for the new supply to see the red flags. Relationships that rush into moving in together or getting married miss crucial phases and milestones in the relationships that build lasting stability. Real love does not need to be rushed, instability does.

6. The bigger the performance, the more they are covering up. The narcissist loves hiding behind the mask and they love to put on a show. They’ve been doing it all of their lives. Real love does not need to be flaunted, especially around an ex, to get a reaction. Narcissists want nothing more than to hurt the old supply. They need you to believe that they are “happier without you”, that “you were the problem”, that they are a “prize” that you can no longer have. They have to perform not only for you, but for the world. They need everyone to believe that you were the problem and that they have finally found their soulmate. They need to convince themselves and the world that they made the right choice. They need to cover up the cracks by exaggerating their happy new life, and they will make damn sure that you see it. They will plaster their new “perfect life” all over social media, in front of your friends so it gets back to you, and even more diabolical, right in front of you. They have an obsessive fixation on causing you pain. But remember, the more intense the performance, the more they are hiding behind the curtain.

7. They haven’t changed. The narcissist did not just change overnight. If they moved on to a new supply within weeks or there was overlap, they did not magically change into a better person. The lies continue. They are not telling the new supply the truth of what they did to you, and so their pathological lying will always be part of the relationship. Real change is possible but it takes years of therapy and commitment to look internally to break these patterns. They did not break any patterns. They are carrying all the lies, insecurities, and behaviors that they had with you into the new relationship.

8. If the narcissist has not taken full accountability or has really tried to show empathy and remorse, they still believe that you deserved the way they treated you. This is not just something they did, this is something they are. They are more than ok with hurting other people and do not see their behavior as a problem at all. This just means they are willing to treat someone else the same way.

9. The high will always wear off. Right now the new supply is something new and exciting. A new toy the narcissist can’t put down. But when reality hits and the new supply becomes a real person with needs, the high wears off pretty quickly. They aren’t so shiny anymore, in fact, they start to see the imperfections of this person. And now that they see this person isn’t so perfect anymore, they can’t unsee it. 

10. The underlying problems within them stay the same. Right now they are using the new supply as a bandaid. For now, it might be covering up the actual wound, but under that bandaid is a bullet hole that won’t stop bleeding. And until they can heal it, it will never stop.

So before you have another sleepless night, think about how all of these combinations could actually equal happiness. It can’t and it won’t. The narcissist will never be truly happy, they will always, always, always want more. So let them put on a grand show for you. Just remember that no, they are Absof*ckinglutely Not happier with the new supply!