Love-bombing is the first and most important stage of the cycle for the narcissist. Without it, their manipulation, gaslighting, and control would not work.
When a narcissists finds supply, they must do whatever it takes to secure it. Narcissists cannot live without supply. It’s the air they breathe. They are incapable of being alone, so they have to lock in their next victim. The best way to do that, is to create a fantasy. They shower the supply with not only gifts, but with attention, admiration, putting them on such a high pedestal. The thing is, at first, the narcissist thinks that this supply is everything they wanted. They are getting constant validation and attention, which is what makes them the perfect supply.
Since the narcissists cannot be alone with their own thoughts and insecurities, the supply feeds the narcissist’s insatiable hunger for admiration and they become an escape from the parts of themselves that they are hiding from or refuse to see. So, just as the narcissist is love-bombing their supply, the supply is also reciprocating all the attention, the admiration, and placing the narcissists on a very high pedestal too.
This feeds the narcissist’s ego, and for a while, they truly think they are happy with this person because all of their needs are met. But as with any fantasy, reality sets in. After a while this supply isn’t the shiny new toy they thought they were. Maybe they had been chasing this supply for weeks, months, or even years. But now they realize, they aren’t as perfect as they imagined. They are a real person, with needs, and imperfections. But they keep them around, because they continue to feed their fragile ego. Now that they have the supply locked in though, they don’t seem to be that exciting anymore. Before you know it, the admiration and validation just doesn’t hit the same. This is when the narcissist will start to move on to the next phases in the cycle and the supply becomes the victim. First, it’s devaluation and then, the discard. They start to look for a new supply. However, more often than not, they already have a new supply lined up. Remember, they cannot live without it. They now prefer the fresh new source of admiration who hasn’t yet seen who the narcissists truly is.
But the love-bombing did exactly what it was supposed to do. It hooked the victim. They felt that they were the most important thing in the narcissist’s life. They were their soulmate after all. They gave all of themselves to the narcissist and do not know who they are without them. But now, something feels off and they notice that the narcissist is treating them differently. They are distant, secretive, and beginning to do or say things to hurt the victim. And since they had been studying the victim all along, they know exactly where it will hurt and the love-bombing phase is officially over.
The love-bombing makes all the control and manipulation possible. It was always more for their own benefit and less about real love. Not because anything was wrong with the victim, but because they are incapable of loving someone the way a healthy person does.
The victim didn’t see the red flags because they were too busy being treated like the most important person in the world, being loved, being adored, and being placed so high on that pedestal. But here is the thing, the higher they place the victim, the bigger, steeper, and more painful the fall is.
