What is Narcissistic Supply?
For a narcissist, supply is one of the most important things they cannot live without. There is a misconception that narcissists love only themselves. But that’s not entirely accurate. Narcissists care only about themselves. Deep down they feel a constant nagging of deep insecurity and the need to hide their fragile ego. They are selfish and will do anything and everything to have their needs met, no matter the price and no matter who they have to hurt in order to get it.
Because of their insecurities, narcissists need constant supply to feed the inner void inside of them. Much like a child who needs constant approval from their parents to value their own worth, narcissists feel the same way. They have an unhealthy amount of need for admiration and validation. The drive to obtain narcissistic supply comes at any cost, as long as it protects their fragile sense of self.
Supply can come from many different sources. Admiration from being successful. Narcissists often hold high ranking jobs and love excelling and being noticed for their achievements. Since they feel that they are more special than most, they often expect others to praise them on a job well done. There is also some research suggesting that narcissism might be on the rise due to social media and immediate validation. Validation can now come from strangers or people that you know almost instantly. They get supply from their reputation and how others perceive them as a pillar of the community. Money is also a great source of supply for narcissists, as it shows power and prestige.
But their best source of supply is from people. I hate calling people supply because everyone is so much more than that. But not to a narcissist. They find supply in family and friends for validation. Often, this starts at an early age. The narcissist either tried so hard to get a parent’s approval, or they were showered with excessive admiration and believes that the world constantly owes them the same kind of treatment.
Then, there is romantic supply. Narcissists seek out partners who will feed their bottomless ache for validation and need for control. Narcissists gravitate towards empaths and codependents. They target the most loving and empathetic people who just want to love and can often put other’s needs ahead of their own. For narcissists, relationships are not about love but rather what the person can give them and how that person makes them feel.
They often seek supply that they believe will give them that grandiose image they so desperately need. They seek supply that are either successful, rich, young, good looking, or are admired by the community. Whatever it is, it must benefit them. The narcissists cannot stand alone and they constantly need to be put on a pedestal in order to feel good about themselves by this romantic supply.
But just like the inner core of the narcissists, their world continues to stay hollow and empty. No one supply will ever fill the void inside them. Think about a leaky bucket. You fill it up and it looks full for a while, until you start to notice the water level going down. No matter how much you try to fill it, the water keeps leaking out and the bucket cannot stay filled. That is exactly what it is like with a narcissists.
They will constantly seek out new supply once the current supply starts to dry up. After a while, the same source becomes stale and doesn’t hit the way it did at first. We call this new supply, AKA, the next victim. Because almost all narcissists cannot be alone, they must always secure a new source of supply before discarding the old one. In romantic relationships, you see the narcissists continuing to go from one supply to another. The narcissists always blame the supply when they discard them because they cannot look within themselves to see that something is missing inside them, not the supply.
Not all cheaters are narcissists, but most narcissists are cheaters. They believe the rules don’t apply to them and do not have any empathy on how their actions are hurting others, as long as they are getting their needs met. This is what starts a new cycle. As the old supply is getting prepped for the discard, the new supply is being pulled into the narcissistic abusive cycle. They often do not see the red flags because of the carefully crafted love-bombing phase. The new supply gets sucked into the cycle for the narcissist’s insatiable need to feel wanted, sought after, admired, and superior. They are always just desperately trying to run away from who they know they really are and looking for anything that might help them escape it.
