That person who hurt you didn’t just become an abuser overnight. The person you fell in love with, the illusion they sold to you, never truly existed.
A person doesn’t just become a narcissist that quickly. You aren’t born a narcissist, (though, some research shows that it could also have some genetic factors), but mostly narcissists are created over time. Narcissism stems from childhood wounds. A child could have grown up being the scapegoat, feeling that they needed to work for love, feeling that they were not enough, or felt abandoned. But what about the golden child who was over indulged? Who was made to feel so special that they were placed on a pedestal made to believe they were better than anyone else? In both cases, these children grew up with a false persona. And that false persona was exactly who you thought they were.
It’s hard to come to terms with this, but the person you thought they were was just an illusion. They hid behind a mask, pretending to be everything that you needed. You became part of their narcissistic cycle (love-bombing, devaluation, discard), not because there was something wrong with you, but because there was so much right with you. You were something that they needed. You were a source of validation, something they had an insatiable craving for. You were the perfect supply. Until you weren’t.
Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because it’s never enough. That person, the love of your life, was a lost soul to begin with. They fed off of you, mirrored you to reflect the perfect partner. It was never them. It was a role they played. But the curtain dropped and the play was over, and you started to see behind the mask. The person you saw throughout the abuse was the real them. Someone who fed off of manipulation, control, and a need to destroy someone else.
So no, the person who once made you feel like you were the center of the world, your soul mate, they never existed. You cannot go from loving someone so deeply to wanting to completely destroy them to protect yourself, without already having the ability and the lack of empathy to do so.
It was never you. It was never anything you did. There is nothing you could have done to deserve the abuse. That image of the perfect soulmate, it was a dream they sold you. And in the end, they delivered a nightmare.
